Might As Well Face it I’m Addicted to Swamps

Upside down gator head. Such a novice. Photo by: Kim Smelter

Alligator hunting season is underway so it’s ’bout time I get my shotgun out of the shed and meet Troy in the bayou. Ok, that’s just Thursdays on Swamp People (which I don’t watch by the way so that might not be the plot). I may not hunt gators in the sporting sense, but I do hunt for great swamp tours. I’ve only lived here for a year and already I’ve been to FIVE swamp tours. Some locals may think I’m a big ol’ chump for a tourist trap, but let’s just discuss what goes on whilst on a swamp tour.

First off, you can bring your own booze (if you get lucky they may even have a cooler on board). Secondly, you get to cruise around on a boat for a couple of hours in a gorgeous setting. Spanish moss is my favorite of the moss family. Lastly, and most importantly, you get to sneak up on some gigantic gators. Now those are some fine ingredients for an afternoon outside the city if you ask me. Since I’m such a seasoned pro (hehe) I figured I should rate these tours based on a few things and give you some tips, in case you want to bring some “tourist” friends aboard. Or you can always take me 🙂

SWAMP METER KEY (out of 5)

• Gator-Aid = the guide/captain of the ship!
• Swamp Creatures = gators & other animals you may see in the swamp
• The View = nature of our surroundings *Not to be confused with the abc show
• Swamp People = the overall clientele/quantity of people on the boat

1) Munson’s : Although the drive is a good hour and a half, Munson’s is worth the 20 bones you put down. The boat is super intimate, we were literally the only group on the boat. It feels like you are visiting your local neighborhood swamper. It was probably one of the most relaxing days I’ve had in Louisiana. Big plus; the guide actually lets you feed raw chicken to the gators. Here gator gator…

Gator-Aid: 5     Swamp Creatures: 5     The View: 5     Swamp People: 5

Jen puttin out some bait. Photo by: Kim Smelter

2) Cajun Encounters: A favorite among my friends, I enjoyed the smaller boat, and the scenic route of the tour. Those small canals through the trees is just magical. I don’t really need to tell you about this tour, because you’ve probably seen the buses and ads all over town. It’s probably the most popular tour in town, but for good reason. They know what they are doin’ down in the bayou.

Gator-Aid: 4     Swamp Creatures: 4     The View: 5     Swamp People: 4

Cristina, such a tourist. Photo by: Kim Smelter

3) Louisiana Swamp Tours: This tour was the first one I ever went on. We spent time out on a bigger lake to check out shrimping boats but saw a TON of gators. The boat was a little too big from my liking as I couldn’t even hear the captain (that may have just been his thick Cajun accent though…which I adored). Apparently this man inspired the little bug in Princess and the Frog. So if you like celebrity spotting, marshmallows, and a lot of scared patrons, this tour is for you!

Gator-Aid: 5     Swamp Creatures: 5     The View: 3     Swamp People: 2

Our semi-famous Cajun guide. Photo by: Kim Smelter

4) Jean Lafitte’s Haunted Swamp Tour: Yes, it was at night so there were no gator sightings (although I swear I saw some of those beady eyes peepin’ at me). Though it was operated like a typical swamp tour, instead of gators and nature stories, we had ghosts, some sort of pirate attack, and plenty of haunted swamp houses along the way. Part Pirate’s of the Caribbean – part Haunted Mansion, I thoroughly enjoyed this unique “Disney World” like experience. They also had a zydeco band playing while you wait. Since my rating chart doesn’t fit this tour, I will give it TWO GATOR CLAWS UP!

Gator-Aid: 5     Swamp Creatures: 5     The View: 3     Swamp People: 2

Good tunes in a “chilly” setting. Oooooo! Photo by: Kim Smelter

5) Honey Island Swamp Tour: It might be best to take your grandparents on this particular tour. The boat was small, but the tour was allllll about NATURE. Gators were an afterthought, and my guide was not about to even try to grab one. He didn’t even have a tiny one on board to pass around (Hello! Swamp Tour 101!) It was a beautiful day and I did bring on a beautiful Abita Strawberry to enjoy, but I think this one is best left for the die hard bird-watchers and snake spotter of the group.

Gator-Aid: 2     Swamp Creatures: 1     The View: 3     Swamp People: 4

The best part of this tour was seeing these overalls. Photo by: Kim Smelter

Well, there’s my list. Take it or leave it, your next swamp adventure is in your little gator claws. So, I will leave you with this. As a great songwriter once wrote:

“Some say gators are dinosaurs, I say gators are dynamite”  – SNL

New Girl’s Guide for the Week!

WEEKLONG: Restaurant Week! Every day and night we can enjoy 2-course lunches for $20 or 3-course lunches for $35 at some of the top eateries in town. As if we need another reason to eat until the buttons pop off our pants. I participated in restaurant week last year and went to August. I don’t see it on the participating restaurant list this year but honestly August isn’t exactly the place to pinch pennies. This year I’m going for the popular lunch spot Galatoire’s but dinner is undecided. Suggestions?

WEEKEND: Irish Film Festival @ Prytania Theater. Top o’ the weekend for you lads and lassies begins with the Opening Night Gala on Friday with a screening of “The Quiet Man” plus some Irish dancing, food and drink. The fest ends Sunday but if you haven’t had enough of the Irish then extend the weekend to Monday when Pat O’Briens hosts its “Halfway to St. Patricks Day” party. If you see a leprechaun say hey! (amateur sketch: here)

WEEKEND: Burlesque Festival – Take a trip back to the 40’s to celebrate New Orleans’ rich burlesque history with shows all weekend. Or just take in some bump and grind seminars. To each his own.

WED, 9/12: 2 Chainz @ House of Blues. Give your hump day a little hip hop with 2 Chainz in the HOOOOUSE (of Blues)

FRI, 9/14: Scales and Ales @Aquarium. I’ll be honest, I went last year thinking I would be drinking and eating with fish and gators all night long. The reality is I was too busy standing in line. I think the way to do this gala if you want to actually eat your money’s worth and walk through the aquarium is to splurge for the VIP entry ticket that gives you access an hour earlier. Then you can dance off the grub at the stages set up by the Mississippi and laugh at the suckers who have to resort to hot dogs at the end of the night. (I was the one not laughing)

FRI, 9/14: Honey Island Swamp Band and Red Baraat @ Tipitinas. Because Tips is always a good time and I haven’t been there all summer long!

SUN, 9/16: Saints @ Carolina Panthers. As if there is anything else to do on a Sunday during football season. Our hangover from this past weekend is still going strong but I have hope we can beat out last years star rookie QB. This one is at noon again which means I’ll be doing the greyhound shuffle.

My First Hurrication: Also My First Trip to Nashville

Where to go, where to go…that was the question when my boyfriend and I listened to the news last Sunday. Isaac was still disorganized (sounded like a closet that needed cleaning) but it seemed quite probable the tropical beast was coming our way. Should we stay or should we go? Thinking of what our apartment would be like without AC or any ability to let fresh air in…let’s just say rain wouldn’t be the liquid flooding our apartment (and I mean sweat just to clarify). At a decision made at 5:30pm, we were out the door at 6:00pm.

Our destinations were as last minute as our decision to leave. First, we stayed in my hometown of Atlanta for roughly 30 hours and then decided to hit the road to Nashville. I won’t bore you with my journey home because I did what anyone would do when they have a day with mom…went to the mall. Nashville was our real hurrication destination so I will talk about that gem of a town. The trip ended up being everything a hurrication should be: spontaneous, relaxing, and a boot scootin’ good time.

Nashville filter on Instagram #obvi

First stop in the Nash- do people call it the Nash? Well I just did. Anyway, first stop was getting some BBQ in our bellies. We went straight to the hip neighborhood of East Nashville to meet our hurrication buddies, Rob and Julia, and hit up Drifters BBQ for some pulled pork and slaw. I particularly loved my side dish: the local beer. It was from the local Jackalope brewery and after googling the brand to remember their name, I came across a really fun fact that makes me even happier I got buzzed from their beverage. This craft beer was started by two New England transplant GIRLS! Read their story here. Maybe I should start trying to make my own beer?? Next trip I’m definitely hitting up their brewery downtown.

For the first couple nights in TN we stayed at a lake house Julia found on VRBO last minute (listing is here). This adorable cottage was only 20 min from downtown, had its own dock, canoes, fishing poles, and oh yeah, it was next door to one of Dolly Parton’s houses. We had our butts in inner tubes and Miller Lites in our hands from “9-5.” Though we didn’t see Dolly, we enjoyed her pink flamingo farm in the front yard. Nights were spent grilling, playing charades and turrets (if you don’t know that drinking game then you should probably invite me to all your parties). Ah Old Hickory Lake: the place where we caught fish for the first time, met new friends in our boozy cove and drank all their beer, went on a sunset cruise around the lake and saw Johnny Cash’s burnt down house, and caught lighting bugs in mason jars. Ok I made that last part up, but in Julia’s mind, it happened. I probably could have stayed here through September.

Girls just want to have fun…and drink beer in koozies

Guys just wanna wear matching Bass Pro store hats…and also drink beer in koozies

Our last day/night in Nashville was spent downtown where I could finally get my honkey tonkin on. Yeee-hawww! I knew I was going to love Broadway St, it was like a tamer Bourbon St with live country music blasting out of bars and boot stores on every corner. Robert’s Western World was a definite fav: great music, great company, and great prices. Tootsies was also a must-see though I was very offended with my bill for the round of Miller High Lifes I bought (should it be Miller High Lives??) Not to worry, I was over it once the souther gal with a good country twang sang some Journey tunes.

This ain’t the Broadway in NYC and I like it!

After an impromptu visit to the Titans stadium to watch the Saints play for ten minutes (thanks drunk guy!) we wandered up to Whiskey Kitchen, a swanky sports bar with an uninspired menu. Thankfully the cocktail I drank at Patterson House revived my taste buds. Patterson House is a speakeasy near Vanderbilt that only seats up to capacity and has a code of conduct posted in the waiting area. My favorite line was “Enjoy the company that you keep. Men must refrain from introducing themselves to women, unless invited or introduced by a friendly party.”  The interior of the place really was gorgeous, as were the drinks. Too bad they were so pricey otherwise we would’ve stayed and laughed at more of each others jokes on politics and philosophy. (These topics may or may not have been discussed but they seemed fitting in the setting).

Some booty I got at the shop during our 45 min wait..I see what they are doin here;)

Sadly it was time to stop spending money on hotels, lake houses, cocktails and overpriced MHLs. But what was a trip to Tennessee without a big old country breakfast with biscuits and ham? Not worth it I say! So I made certain to stop at The Loveless Cafe, about 25 min from downtown, on our way back home. I took away some swag and ate my weeks worth of biscuits. I’m going to miss the 16th state and can’t wait to meet Nashville again in the future. But it was time to see what shape the homefront was in. Powerless of course but thankfully no damage.  It was eerie driving into our city with no lights and heartbreaking seeing all those beautiful oak trees laying in the streets. I thoroughly enjoyed my spontaneous road trip but the next time I take one it better not be because of a disorganized red swirl in the Gulf. Hope everyone had a safe and happy hurrication!